Monday, April 30, 2012

Good game...

Being in a new relation ship is amazing. Getting to know someone new, your likes, and dislikes. Finding out if this is the one man for you.. Now, do all that with 3 kids. That's when it becomes a bit of a challenge. Not only are you seeing if your new partner is compatible with you. You also have to make sure that he is compatible with your kids.

I was very lucky to find my husband. How he puts up with all of us girls is beyond me. But, thank god for him!! When me and the girls moved into his home, almost 8 years ago, we flipped his world upside down. Going from 1 to 5 was a challenge for him. (he did a very good job with this transition) So we were in this new, amazing relationship. He loves me. He loves my kids. All is wonderful.

My husband has never really been a person who is into the whole public displays of affection. I'm good with my hug and kiss I get from him in the morning or when we both get home from work. In the beginning he would (try and make sure the kids were not looking) tap me on the butt and say "good game". Well I guess he didn't do a very good job of being sneaky with this action cause most kids like to copy. Always at the most inappropriate times..

Round 3

It was my middle daughters, Krysten, 4th birthday.  My father had taken me and my two younger girls to dinner for her birthday.  After dinner dad took us to Target to let her pick a couple toys out as a gift. (My father is not a shopper so this is his ideal way to get them gifts. He takes them to the store and spoils the hell out of them.)

He got her out of her car seat, took her by her chubby little hand, and led her into the store. I grabbed a cart and put Abby in the seat and just kind of hung back to let Krysten have her BOZ time. (Oh yea he don't like to be called grandpa, he has all the kids call him BOZ) She was so excited walking next to him as they made their way to the toy section..

"Anything I want, right Boz?" she asked him
"Yes Krysten, its your day!" Boz told her as they rounded the corner.

A very frail and older woman was pushing a walker and moving very slow. All Krysten wanted to do was get to the toys!!! I was a few aisles back from them and keeping the pace. Next thing I see is Krysten go up to the lady tap her on her butt then take off down a side aisle yelling "GOOD GAME!!" but leaving Boz standing there in shock as the old woman turned around to see a man standing there..

Now, I was laughing way to hard to be able to stand and watch the aftermath so I found and ailse and just broke down in laughter. That was the day I discoverd that no one is safe in my house..

Sorry Boz but, the kids win this round..

Boz- got the # for a sugar momma... jk!!

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Gassy Avenger...

Ok, So we all know every one has gas. I am a firm believer of "Better out than in" and by far, I'm one of the gassiest people alive. Now don't get the impression that I go around ripping loud and rude fart sounds but, I don't hold it in. SORRY!!! I would rather not have the horrible stomach problems that follow.

There are ways to fart with out the world knowing it was you, and by far one of the best was to get out of claiming the smell is to have a child in diapers with you. (Ok you know at some point you have farted and blamed your kid) My two older kids put up with that for years until my youngest was born. Little did I know she would avenge her sisters honor.

Round 2:

The gas, is a trait that was passed down to my youngest daughter, Abby. Let me tell you from the moment she came into this world we called her the "gas queen". Not only was she gassy but, OMG the sounds that came out of that little body were disturbing.. She sounded like a grown man who ate a whole crave case from White Castles all to himself and followed it the a whole can of baked beans. No joke!!! There were so many times my husband would blame me for her farting..

One day, while walking thru Walmart, she was sleeping in her carrier. Now, not to toot my own horn my kids are very cute. People would stop as I passed them wanting to look at her and go on and on how angelic she was.. ( yea what ever this kid is the devil) So I made my way to the baby section looking for what I needed to get. Yes, you guessed it, baby gas drops. As I walked away from the cart to look for the product Miss Abby let one rip.. Frantically I looked all around to make sure no one was around. To my relief the aisle was empty..

So, I walked back over to her again and said. "I'm getting your drops, stop tooting so loud." then went back to looking over the sheves. As soon as I turned my back she did it again. Only this time it was about 10 times louder and she followed the massive sound with a very loud giggle..

I went back over to her, not even looking around and said something like,"dang girl". Of course this time there was one of the older ladies who had stopped me earlier in the store to pawn over her. In shock I gabbed the drops off the shelf and held them up and said, "thank god for gas drops!" The lady looked down and shook her head. As she walked passed me she mumbled "how could you blame your rude gas on such a sweet baby."

Well for one of the firsts times in my life, I was speechless...... I think the kids get the point on this one.


Friday, April 27, 2012

Love me or hate me...

Well hello people of blog world!!! I have been told over the years that I need to take the time to write a book about my life with my kids... Who the heck has time for that??  Well I don't! I am a mother of 3 girls, work full time, and host a paranormal talk show @ My life is moving at full speed and my girls just keep growing and are getting crazier every day!

I do want to first warn the readers of this that I am a very blunt person. If you are easily offended then you need to stop reading right now. You know that filter that keeps from saying stupid things? Well, mine is long gone. You either love me or hate me.. I have a very dry but funny sense of humor and I can make any situation comical. For the ones who can handle me I promise this will be well worth the read! Oh an by the way I can't spell to save my life so give me a break.. Sit down, prop your feet up, and find out how I got the title of:  Mother of all Dorks..

I was 16 and pregnant before it was cool.. (Don't do it!!!) I spent 10 years of my life changing diapers and doing the happy dance when one of my girls kept their pull up dry overnight.. Then one day I had one of those "AHA" moments,  I was put on this planet to embarrass the crap out of my kids. The trouble with that is they are my kids so I know somewhere inside them is the DORK gene. Which means I have to stay on my toes cause if they have half of the wit and humor I have they might be able to get me back...

(For those of you reading, I love my kids with all my heart and everything I do in life is for them. So this is not bad parenting, it's fun parenting, and we all have a blast. Want to also let you know that most of my stories take place at Target, Walmart, in my car, or at home. Music is also a big part in our lives.)

Round 1:

One of the most fun things to do while in the car is jamming out to the radio.. My 13yr old USED to love these moments we shared as she would sing out loud as I played my totally awesome guitar.(the seat belt, you know you have done it!) Well the last time she jammed with me without looking around to make sure no one was looking first was about 2 years ago. We were stopped at the entrance crosswalk of out local Target. A flood of people we exiting the building. I couldn't run them over so I put my car in park and turned up the radio. It was a warm summers day, the widows of the car were open, and Queens Bohemian Rhapsody was on the best part of the song..

How the hell was I supposed to know that a girl from my kids school was coming out of the store?
Anyways, the music took over and I completed the most awesome guitar solo as well as the vocals. (FYI I can NOT sing to save my life) When I opened my eyes every single person leaving the store, (they all stopped to watch) started cheering, laughing, and clapping! I looked over to my daughter who some how managed to fit all curled up in the front seat of the floor board of my car.

Whoops.. Till this day when ever that song comes on the radio she changes the station..