Thursday, August 30, 2012


Where is a good place to go shopping for your redneck husband for fathers day? This year I choose the mall and Cabelas. Although he might be a redneck but he is not a hunter. I should have just went with my gut and went to Rural King (his fave store).

Round 15

The closest Cabelas is about 30 min from my house and located at the St. Louis Mills mall. I am not a mall shopper at all. If I can't find what I need at Target or Shop n Save I really don't need it. But this was important for the kids to get their step father the best fathers day gift ever.

When we first got to the mall I suggested that we go into the mall part and save Cabelas for last. (Hoping to find something more his style in one of the other shops.) Of course they agreed because I have never really taking them mall shopping before. They wanted to check it out.

After 2 hours of only finding 1 sign he could hang up in his garage and my oldest discovering Aropostile i was done. We still had to go back threw Cabelas because that is where we parked the car.

Krysten: maybe we will find what he likes in here.

So we walked around. Cabelas is a very neat store with all there displays of the different taxidermy animals and large fish tanks. We looked at every display. Reading all the info. Abby was amazed. She absolutely loved all of it.

Until she spotted the mounted deer heads on the walls.

Abby: What is that?? Why is it just their heads?? What is going on?!?!?

Me: Abby this is a hunting store. What do u think all these animals are from? When some people go hunting and get a prize kill they have the animal mounted like a trophy.

She didn't say anything more for a few min. As we walked towards the front of the store Bethany found the best shirt for my husband. We all liked it and agreed that it would make a great gift. So now all we have to do is check out an we are done.

The check out at the Cabela stores is located at the front o the store next to the gun displays.

As we are walking to the check out lane Abby glanced over to this man examining a very large shot gun.

Abby mumbled something under her breath. I turned around and asked her what she said.

Abby: (in a low whisper) murderer.

I don't know if I was confused by what she just said or shocked.

Abby: that man buying that gun is a murder!!!!!

Me: no Abby he is a hunter.

Buy this time she had gotten louder and there were about 3-5 people starting to take notice of her little tantrum.


By this time I was bright red and ready to be out of this store. Some how I calmed her down enough to pay for the shirt.

While wrapping up the transaction the worker of the store game me my change and told us to have a great day. As we walked out Abby had one more thing to say.

Abby: MURDERS!!!

Never again will I step foot in that store again.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

British Invasion

The love of our friends across the pond is well known in my household. From the magical word of Harry Potter to the tunes of the new boy band One Direction. My kids have got the equivalent of the 1960s Beatlemania but in 2012 style.

Posters of young British faces strung all over their walls, songs played over and over again so that I even know ever word, and the British accents that the kids have picked up are amazing. You would think that I adopted them from the queen herself.

Round 14

Princess Abby of the house of Brooks has bar far the best British accent of all my children. My husband didn't believe me about her small talent until an dinner out one night. Then at the table at the restaurant she spoke a fluent British accent the whole meal. Showing this off to friends was fun. She even had the British slang down.

One night we were off to Target to get only god knows what. While walking in we saw this big van of Amish People. Yes, they were Amish and they were in a van not a horse in buggy. ( I guess the Amish love Target as much as we do)

Of course this was one of the times Abby went into full British mode and as we walked pass the Amish she started rattling off about having to use the loo. ( I'm assuming this meant she had to go to the bathroom)
The Amish people just looked at me cause I didn't have the accent and she was just chatting away.

Abby: mum, mum, mummy where is the loo.. I have to go poo..

All with this British accent..

Then she spotted the Amish...

Abby: mum, mum, mummy. Why are those people dressed like they are from another time. Ohhhhhh they must be time travelers..

Now remember she was in British mode..
Then before I could stop her she was chatting with this Amish lady with her accent.

Abby: helllloooo dear time traveler. Wellllcooome to Target!

I was so embarrassed that all I could do was pick her up and carry her away. Apologizing to the Amish as we walked into the store.

While we shopped I did my best to explain the Amish to her and her sisters. Taking an extra long time in the store in hopes that the Amish were long gone.

We checked out with no Amish in sight and were heading out the door and there they were loading up in their van.

As we past Abby couldn't control herself and yelled out. ( in British)

Abby: good day, cheeryO, get the van to 88 miles per hour.

(thanks Back to the Future)    

The Amish looked shocked and didn't wave back, but a couple bystanders broke out in laughter.

Yup, that's my kid.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Birds, Bees, What?????

Sorry it has been so long!!! Life had finally caught up and it seemed I never had any time to just sit down and write!!! Hope you all welcome me back cause I have got some great stories to share!!!

There is a time and place to discuss the birds and the bees with your children. Some kids ask the questions sooner than others. Parents tread very lightly on this subject due to embarrassment, and each parent has different ways of giving their kids the info without going into too much details.
My dad, for example, got me a cartoon called Where Did I Come From. Who doesn't like to watch cartoon sperms swimming in an Olympic size pool to get to the egg waiting on the edge of the pool for the winner. Then they tango.. 
It took years, and an episode of Glee to get my oldest to talk about sex. ( I wouldn't let her watch the sex Ed episode until we spoke about it first).

Round  13

It was a Friday eve and my oldest and I were on our way back from visiting my mother in law in the hospital about 45 min away from where we live. We rarely get time away from her sisters so this was great bonding time.
About 10 min into the drive she asked:

Beth: so mom, when do u think I can watch that episode of glee?

Me: after we have The Talk.

Beth: well ok I'm ready...

Ok I have prepared myself for this moment and even with all the prep work those words scared the shit out of me. I instantly started to sweat, my blood pressure went up, and I turned beet red.

Beth: are you ok mom?

Me: of course!!! What to u want to know?

Beth: well I thought you would just talk about it and I would listen.

Ok never planed that? I thought it would be like a question and answer type of deal. 
Here I was actually giving my dad kudos for getting the stupid cartoon and putting it in the VCR and leaving the room for me to fend for myself. But NO! I'm a good mom and have a great relationship with my daughter so I was going to do this right..

So for 20 min I acutlly gave the same speech from the Glee episode that the gay guys dad gave him. ( no my child is not gay but I thought it was by far one of the best speeches ever on the topic). I used the material an made it my own. 

So after all that I thought I was done. Nope wrong again!!

Beth: ok so I know that you have had sex 3 times because you have 3 kids.

Me: yes, and little more than that.

Beth; right. So 3 kids, 3 husbands. How many times?

Me: I have no idea Beth.

Beth: how many different guys have you had sex with?

Jeeze!!! What the hell!!!!

Me: this is something that we need to talk about on your 21st birthday after we have had some drinks!!! By the way you can watch that Glee episode tonight.

Beth: cool

Then it was dropped! Oh lord I survived! Untill she watched Glee.

Beth: MOM!!!! You gave me the same speech from Glee???? 

Well at least I got 1 out of 3 done.....